Presence is a necessity in all healthy relationships; it’s what makes it real love, and it becomes the true foundation. Very little can be built on less than this real presence.
Many years ago, in the middle of the night, I wrote a song from an intuition, and that intuition was exactly this, phrased as: “Would you watch the night with me?”
This was a literal invitation—I got up from bed and wrote it when I couldn’t sleep—but it was also a deeply symbolic one.
It’s precisely in the “nights” of our lives where we most need the simple, sustained presence of those in our loves we love, and it’s in these moments that we often most deeply realize the solidty and sincerity of that love.
Real love is not afraid of suffering; it doesn’t turn away when the beloved is being weighed down by the burdens of life.
Although this is true, it is also phenomenally rare that we actually find this. Many people, often due to their own current capacity and perhaps inability to meet even themselves honestly, will leave when things get hard. Many—maybe most people—will run away from the proverbial fire, rooted in instinct and self-preservation, rather than choose to run in toward the suffering beloved regardless of the personal cost.
Of course, attention plays out as important in every element of relationships. As is commonly spoken of, every time someone makes a “bid” for connection, it’s an opportunity to be building the relationship. For so many of us, however, we are overwhelmed and overstimulated, and it’s easy to miss these opportunities for connection.
But where it seems to show up most dramatically is in the times when we are ourselves overwhelmed by challenges and difficulties, and even quiet sadness that doesn’t always have a clearly traceable root. In those moments, one of the most helpful things someone who loves us can offer is just presence—not an obsessive need to solve it, not an obvious discomfort with reality, not “space,” and not a suffocating pouring out of words and affection either.
This gentle, abiding presence is often enough to help us know deeply that regardless of what we are going through, it can be overcome because we are not alone in it. This is something experienced physically, emotionally, and even spiritually, and can even be measured in our nervous systems, which respond so well to presence and love.
For themes like this, music often expresses what simple words cannot. That’s what I’ve often heard about a lot of my creative work, and how it has helped many people through difficult times.
The song of mine I referenced rearlier is called “Sometimes,” as part of my poetic folk music work.
The whole body of work I’ve built has been a real benefit to many people who are going through a challenging time. I am truly honored by this.
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My music and writing is how I invite people into a deeper, more human, and more grounded place amidst the chaos of modern life.
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